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She struck without warning! A towering terror from beyond the grave! A ghoulish beast unlike any our pitiful world has seen! A big, scary, old woman straight from the depths of Hell! The Day of Aunt May! Once, she was just a sweet, little old lady. Then, bitten by a radioactive zombie, poor Aunt May grew to a staggering size! She shuffled forth from her cyclopean tomb to spew white-hot vengeance upon our puny civilization! |
"RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHH!!"
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She drove her enemies before her like frightened vermin! The earth thundered under the fearsome tread of her fuzzy bedroom slippers! |
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Even the Dark Lord of the Sith was no match for the unstoppable strength of those terrible, bony fingers! Could nothing stop this creature spawned by a Medicare system gone horribly, horribly wrong? |
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And then it rose from the sea!
Gamera! Protector of children! Guardian of the Universe! The people shouted, "Gamera will save us!"
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Mt. Fuji itself split in two as the titans locked in mortal combat! Their bone-chilling cries echoed around the globe, as the mother of all battles raged! |
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In a final, heart-stopping moment, the huddled masses looked on as the apron-wearing demon tossed her terrapin tormentor into the fiery oblivion of a volcanic vent! The children cried...Gamera was no more! |
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In that darkest hour, a smirk of satisfaction creeped across her craggy face. She turned, and slowly made her way through the rubble of Mt. Fuji. With a final bellow, Aunt May returned to the hellpit that spawned her... Experts pored over the remains of her attack. Only one thing was certain. While her demonic bloodlust had been satiated this time, Aunt May would return! |
Sleep well, kiddies...
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Aunt May is a trademark of Marvel Comics, and no attempt is made to infringe on the rights of the owners. The "Famous Covers" Aunt May, the world's scariest action figure, was produced by Toy Biz. And they should apologize to the Parker family. This page, and all associated text pieces and photos are © David Thiel. |