Bloggus Interruptus
01:20am CDT, 14 May 2008 (Permalink)
As I mentioned yesterday, I'm currently in Palm Springs (actually Palm Desert), California for a public TV conference. The photo at left is the view from the balcony of my hotel room. As you can see, it's quite nice here, though I've yet to have an opportunity to try out the pool.
I'd hoped to post some stuff here in my off hours, but it just doesn't look like that's going to work out. And Thursday I drive a rental car to Los Angeles to meet Vic and take a few days' vacation. I'll be visiting my old stomping grounds in Hollywood, and going to Disneyland for the first time in too many years. The downside is that I'll be completely offline from then until next Tuesday.
However, if you're interested, through Thursday morning I'll be blogging about the PBS conference for the WILL-TV web site. Click the "TV Worth Blogging" image in the left-hard bar to read about upcoming public TV programs.
I'll be back next week with more pointless, self-serving posts. (And don't think I've given up on my fixation with Latitude Zero!)
I Don't Know What To Say, So I'll Say This
10:20pm CDT, 12 May 2008 (Permalink)
I'm writing this from Palm Springs, California, where I'm attending the annual PBS Showcase conference. I logged in this evening to check my e-mail and perhaps do a bit of blogging, only to learn that my friend Topher, a longtime member of our Friday night gaming group, died last night, possibly from a heart attack apparently from an aneurysm.
Shocked doesn't even begin to cover how I feel at the moment. As a group, we're all much too young to be losing friends in this manner.
Topher was a good guy and one hell of a gamer. One played "Settlers of Catan" or "Puerto Rico" against him at one's peril. His life really seemed to have come together in the last few years: a wonderful wife, a nice house, a great job in the video game industry. I liked and respected him, and I will miss him.
I Don't Get It
09:33pm CDT, 10 May 2008 (Permalink)
Right now, I'm having one of those moments in which I feel that I'm really not in synch with the people around me.
Look, I knew that I was more jazzed about the Speed Racer film than most, but I'm boggled by the chilliness of its reception. Sure, the critics didn't like it, but that's what critics do. They were gunning for it from the moment the first trailer debuted. (I maintain that pre-tumor Roger Ebert--the guy who praised The Phantom Menace for being an empty spectacle--would've loved it. Post-op Ebert, however, did not.)
I honestly thought that there would've been an enthusiastic reaction from the middle-aged geeks who grew up on the cartoon, plus every ten-year-old boy in the U.S. And so I was not prepared to see perhaps twenty people in the theater at 7:00 pm Friday on opening night.
The crowds didn't seem much more numerous today, even though Saturday should be more conducive to family viewing. Meanwhile, Iron Man was packed.
Yeah, I know: everyone loves Iron Man, critics and fanboys alike. Having just come from seeing it, I don't quite get the passion. It's a solid film, sure, but I was being told that it was in the upper echelons of the superhero genre. I felt it was more Spider-Man than Spider-Man 2, but what do I know? The first Spider-Man film made a metric fuckton of cash, whereas I thought it was "okay."
The problems I had with Iron Man were two-fold. First, it's an origin film, which meant that a whole lot of running time was spent in setting up the background. That's understandable, but it's still "seen it." Second--and the filmmakers admit as much--Iron Man doesn't have a strong villain roster. Here they pretty much go the easy way out and make him fight a bigger version of himself. How RoboCop 2 of them.
Again, it's by no means a bad film. Downey was very good, as was Paltrow. The comedy bits, especially the ones involving an overzealous fire-extinguishing robot, were fun. I liked the in-jokes: Stan Lee being mistaken for Hugh Hefner, Tony Stark's phone playing the old Iron Man cartoon theme, and Rhodey (who becomes the hero War Machine in the comics) looking at Stark's first armor suit and saying "Next time." It's just that the film seemed much less than I'd been led to expect.
Speed Racer, on the other hand, was more or less just what I expected. That's not to say that it's a better film than Iron Man, but I certainly did have more fun with it.
Contrary to the reviews, I didn't find the graphics to be that eye-searing, and I never had any trouble following the racing action. As Vic pointed out, Speed's gonna win; what else do you need to know?
The reviews seemed unfair on one point: a number of them made the point that while the film itself was firmly anti-corporate, it was made and marketed by one of the world's largest media groups. (Unlike every other mainstream movie, I guess.) And your point is? That because you don't like the messenger--or rather, the company who paid the messenger--the message itself was invalid?
I thought that the Wachowski brothers did a fine job of capturing the spirit of the cartoon, though I realize that this may have also been what put off potential viewers. Still, no one went broke underestimating the tastes of the American audience: Transformers (which I also enjoyed) did very well and it was no deeper or less frenetic than Speed Racer. I don't know, maybe adults just didn't want to see a movie with a monkey in a starring role.
I enjoyed the look of Speed's world, even though the Wachowskis took considerable liberty from the old show in turning it into a gigantic, psychedelic skate park. The racing scenes, with the cars spinning madly along the course and even grinding the rails, were like none ever seen before.
The cast did a good job with what they had to work with, but I thought that the young actor playing Spritle was the standout. I found most of his comic relief bits playing opposite the aforementioned monkey legitimately amusing.
As a fanboy, I would've liked perhaps a bit more fidelity to the original series. Some of the names--Snake Oiler, Cruncher Block, Inspector Detector, the GRX--were familiar, but they were playing different roles in the film's plot than they did in the cartoon. And since they wound up racing in some locales that were similar to those seen in the show, why not use the names? Those are silly quibbles, I know.
What really does surprise me about Speed Racer vs. Iron Man is that the latter seemed to have attracted more parents with small children, yet the former seemed far more appropriate for them. Iron Man was a bit dark and gruesome at times, what with its Afghan terrorists and scenes of torture. Plus, it had some very long stretches between the action scenes. Speed Racer dragged a bit in the middle too, but it was so bright and cheery that I would think kids would find more to keep themselves engaged.
But again, what the heck do I know? I am clearly out of touch with what other people like.
Here's the season finale of 30 Rock, entitled "Cooter." That's Tina Fey's favorite euphemism for the female hoo-hoo, but here it's doubly appropriate as Liz has a pregnancy scare and Jack meets his new, unfortunately-nicknamed boss in the fading, sorely-in-denial Bush Administration. A bag of Spanish cheese curls--whose name translates to "Taste of Solitude"--figures into the plot, as does a box of pen caps, a porn video game, a secret military project and a trip to the Beijing Olympics.
And just why does Liz' new boss keep a toy car in her mouth?
Adventure's Waiting Just Ahead!
01:44pm CDT, 9 May 2008 (Permalink)
One of Speed Racer's greatest challenges was posed by the Gang of Assassins, featured in the episode "Gang of Assassins." Another ninja-themed group, they had a couple of clear advantages over the previously-seen bat boys: sheer numbers and bitchin', death's head cars. Also a flying dragon submarine, but more on that in a minute.
They had been hired to disrupt the International Peacemeal Conference, the name of which was probably as close to political satire as the American translators of Speed Racer ever got. The Mach 5 happened upon the scene of their next assassination attempt, but when Speed used the homing robot to give them the bird, one of the gang retaliated by throwing a million, billion ninja stars.
Speed and Trixie gave chase in the Mach 5, but the assassins' cars proved to have an overwhelming array of weapons: machine guns, spike strips and flamethrowers.
Later, Racer X, who had been in town for the Fujiyama Grand Prix, was standing on a lake shore watching a boat full of delegates to the Peacemeal Conference when he was ambushed by the assassins. Who were buried in the dirt beneath him. That's how kick-ass the Gang of Assassins were: they could burrow. They snagged the Masked Racer's wrists with chains, but he gave them a spin.
Racer X learned that the attack was just a test: they wanted to recruit him into the gang. Just then, a dragon-headed submarine reared out of the water and a whirlpool sucked the delegates' sightseeing vessel below the surface!
After a series of adventures, Speed, Trixie, Spritle and Chim-Chim all found themselves in the underground lair of the worldwide assassins' organization.
The assassins deliberately kept their lair chilly.
Speed met their leader, Professor Anarchy, who offered Speed a job on the team. When the racer refused, Anarchy threatened to make him his 2,708th victim. (That's right, he kept track.)
Even's Anarchy's eyepatch was twisted.
The conversation was cut short by the arrival of Racer X, seemingly in cahoots with the villains. Rex was put in charge of murdering Speed, Trixie and the captured delegates. Indeed, he blasted away with a submachine gun...and, in what was arguably the greatest feat of precision ever achieved by a racer-turned-secret-agent, shot off their ropes.
Not even Speed is buying it.
A fracas ensued, and, as this was Speed Racer, it involved submachine guns, and lots of 'em.
After that, it all got a bit insane. Racer X led the freed delegates out of the underground complex, then went back to blow it up with a time bomb. Spritle and Chim-Chim stowed away aboard the dragon sub. Speed and Trixie raced off in the Mach 5 in hopes of intercepting the remaining assassins before they could reach the Peacemeal Conference.
Then, because no Japanese adventure series was complete without a flying submarine, the dragon lifted off and began pelting the fleeing Speed with fireballs. Once again, Spritle and Chim-Chim saved the day by sabotaging the sub and parachuting out as it made a final, fatal power dive smack into the highway, demolishing the killers' cars. Suck that, assassins.
"Aieeeeeee! I dishonor my ancestors!"
The fate of Professor Anarchy was unrevealed, but I believe that surely his sinister eyepatch would once again endanger world peace.
This brings me to the end of my less-than-comprehensive retrospective of Speed Racer. The movie opened today, and I'll be seeing it this evening. While it's being savaged by the critics, their descriptions make it sound as if it's exactly what's promised in the trailer: an eye-searing visual display that's relatively faithful to the cartoon in both tone and level of sophistication. (Make of that what you will.) Fortunately for me, that's exactly what I'm looking for.
Getting ready for tonight.
He's A Demon And He's Gonna Be Chasin' After Someone
09:18am CDT, 8 May 2008 (Permalink)
While most Speed Racer bad guys suffered the indignity of such names as Zoomer Slick and Splint Femur, some never received so much as a proper noun. Such was the case with the unidentified ninja bat boys who bedeviled the gang in the episode "The Royal Racer."
I was never quite sure what in the heck these pint-sized killers were supposed to be. I suppose that they were agile midgets, but their mugs were oddly monstrous.
A face only a ninja bat mother could love.
In addition to cool costumes and mad acrobatic skills, they had frightening metal claws on both hands and feet. Great for opening cans; lousy for digging change out of their ninja pockets.
The bat boys were employed by Omar Offendum of the Kingdom of Saccharin, who was out to steal the throne by having the dimwitted (and pig-nosed) Prince Sugarin crowned instead of the rightful royal heir, Prince Jam.
Prince Sugarin was the ugly stick with which the bat boys had been beaten.
Wouldn't you know it, Prince Jam just happened to be a dead-ringer for Spritle. And before you could say "Mark Twain," the two became mixed up. Spritle was welcomed into the palace, where he gorged himself on sweetmeats and prepared to drive in the "Baby Grand Prix." Meanwhile, the real prince was locked in a bathroom by the Racer family as they practiced their usual "tough love."
Over the course of the two-part episode, the ninjas went first after Spritle and then after Jam once they recognized the latter's tell-tale royal birthmark.
Eventually, the little killers captured both the prince and Speed, but one of their own was caught by the reunited Spritle and Chim-Chim. In order to make the ninja talk, Chim-Chim went Gitmo and unsheathed his hitherto-unsuspected razor-sharp talons.
Let me repeat that: Chim-Chim had razor-sharp talons. And he would cut you.
The monkey sidekick wound up being the real hero of this story, even disguising himself as a bat boy to untie Speed and Jam while Trixie pulled out the heavy artillery.
Seconds later, in berzerk bloodlust, Chim-Chim ripped out Speed's jugular.
Stone cold Trixie.
In the end, Prince Jam was crowned and both he and Spritle raced to a tie in the Baby Grand Prix.
Still later, unknown to the Racers, Chim-Chim began a secret double life as a master ninja monkey. But that's a story for another day.
Latitude Zero: Chapter One
07:08pm CDT, 7 May 2008 (Permalink)
Latitude Zero opens just where you might expect: the equator, imaginary line of mystery. A research vessel plies the Pacific waters in search of an undersea current which could be used to speed submarines on their way. Leading the expedition are Dr. Ken Tashiro (played by Akira Takarada) and Dr. Jules Masson (Masumi Okada, apparently unaware that he is not, in fact, French). With them is Richard Jaeckel (The Dirty Dozen; also Best Supporting Actor Oscar nomination for Sometimes a Great Notion) as reporter Perry Lawton, providing pool coverage to satisfy the many tens of newspaper readers interested in comparatively speedy water.
"Would you like to sit in the smoking section of the bathysphere?"
Perry shows Ken his bedroom eyes.
In the first of many questionable costuming choices, our heroes are decked out in cute, colorful and coordinated zip jacket-and-shorts ensembles. It's as if the expedition was outfitted by Garanimals.
Just then, the biggest underwater volcano eruption in history hits. Look at that thing: it's even spitting lightning bolts. Actually, I want to give props to the Toho special effects department for this one; it's a helluva explosion. The ensuing pyrotechnics snap the bathysphere's lifeline and toss it into a deep, ocean crevasse.
The fall not only knocks the threesome unconscious, it also removes Perry's jacket. Meanwhile, mysterious divers peer in through the porthole and admire his well-groomed thatch of chest hair.
Scouting for the next "Deep Sea Explorers Gone Wild" DVD.
The divers attach a cable to the bathysphere, which is hauled aboard an enormous submarine, the Alpha. There Perry and Ken meet ship's doctor (and part-time pole dancer) Anne Barton, who tells them that Dr. Masson has suffered serious injury, and that go-go boots are the only cure!
As the two speculate on how they might themselves have serious injuries, they are taken to the bridge, where they meet Koubo, navigator and ship's genie.
Really, it's how all the doctors dress at the bottom of the sea.
"I pity the fool who calls me a genie!"
There too, is the Captain of the Alpha, Craig MacKenzie, played by Joseph Cotten. Cotten's more than 40 years as a film actor included roles in Citizen Kane, The Magnificent Ambersons, Gaslight and The Third Man.
MacKenzie is the super-scientist who designed the Alpha, which was launched--much to Perry and Ken's astonishment--in 1805, a full 50 years before Captain Nemo set sail in the Nautilus. Yet even that is not as astonishing as his appalling dress sense: chest-baring disco shirt, gold chains and green cravat.
Ladies and gentlemen, Joseph Cotten.
For every hairy-breasted yin, there must be a yang, and so it is that we suddenly find ourselves in the evil part of the ocean where squats the hideous mountain fortress Blood Rock.
Within we are introduced to Lucretia, played by Patricia Medina, who was married to Cotten at the time and stayed with until his death in 1994. She also had an Orson Welles film to her credit, Mr. Arkadin.
Lucretia is the "companion" of Malic, played by, of all people, Cesar Romero. I know it's not cool to admit this, but I've long felt--mustache or no mustache--Romero was greatly underrated for his version of the Joker.
Malic and Lucretia are a curious pair: dedicated to badness, yet seemingly head over heels in love with each other. They sip wine and make goo-goo eyes while plotting the destruction of their archenemy MacKenzie.
Yet, not even their supreme wickedness can withstand the wrath of the film's costumer, who dresses Malic in Buck Rogers cast-offs and Lucretia in the actress' own nightgowns.
With Dr. Masson requiring better medical care than the Alpha can provide, Captain MacKenzie sets course for his own home base, the eponymous Latitude Zero.
Dr. Barton brings new meaning to "bedside manner."
But his ship is tracked by the Malic's killer sub the Black Shark. Its commander is a Japanese woman named Kroiga, whose vicious ponytail has sent many a man to his doom.
Watching the pursuit from the Blood Rock hideaway, Lucretia can't hide her jealousy of Kroiga, though Malic is quick to declare "You're the only woman I keep with me." This reassurance doesn't deter Lucretia from delighting in her rival's failures.
A cat-and-mouse game ensues, with the seemingly unarmed Alpha using its many defensive modifications--including maneuvering jets and illusionary doubles--to avoid the Black Shark's torpedoes.
Not even a desperate ramming maneuver scratches the Alpha's hull. It does, however, set Kroiga's ponytail into a lethal spin, injuring three crewmen.
The electronic bubble that shields Latitude Zero from its enemies looms ahead, and MacKenzie charges the hull of the Alpha with an "equalizer" which allows passage. The Black Shark is not so fortunate.
BOIN-gggggg!
Safe for now, MacKenzie at last fills us in on the personal history of both he and Malic: they were students together "a century ago." Furthermore, we learn that MacKenzie is 204 years old while Malic is a mere babe of 203.
Got that? Good, because there's going to be no elaboration on it whatsoever. We never learn where they were students, how they became bitter enemies, or what accounts for their incredible longevity.
Also, I'm no math whiz, but it also means that MacKenzie's schooling occurred when he was approximately 104, and that he built the Alpha some sixty years prior to that.
Perry the journalist never puts that together, but he's quick to inquire how old that makes Dr. Barton. The Captain's reply: "Even in Latitude Zero, gentlemen do not discuss the age of a lady."
And on that chivalrous note, we sign off for now, until the next thrilling chapter of Latitude Zero!
Next: There's a hole at the bottom of the sea!
And My Homeroom Teacher Cast The Deciding Ballot
03:13pm CDT, 7 May 2008 (Permalink)
Visiting my Dad last weekend, I learned that Hillary Clinton had stopped in Hobart the previous Tuesday, which marked both a high point for my hometown and a low point for her campaign. So perhaps I shouldn't have been so surprised when I tuned in CNN for the late election returns last night and learned that the long, national nightmare of the 2008 Democratic primary was going to be decided right there. Okay, really it was decided a couple of miles to the Northwest over in Gary, where they actually have some black people. Still, it was strange to see Lou Dobbs and his fancy electronic map zoomed in right on the old homestead.
The
personal web log of David Thiel, Champaign, Illinois.
As I mentioned yesterday, I'm currently in Palm Springs (actually Palm Desert), California for a public TV conference. The photo at left is the view from the balcony of my hotel room. As you can see, it's quite nice here, though I've yet to have an opportunity to try out the pool.
