The game Illuminati from Steve Jackson Games (SJG) has been a favorite of mine ever since I first played it years ago. I played it not long ago after not having done so in quite some time, and the fun of it all came rushing back to me. I was delighted when I saw that they were coming out with a “sequel”…a different game based on similar mechanics. That game is now out, and is called “Illuminati: Crime Lords”. I’d love to get it.

Thing is, it costs $35.00. That’s a price that we in the business refer to as “crack-smokingly high.”

Now, board games ain’t cheap. Many of them go for around $40, which is why I don’t currently own Dwarven Dig, Tikal, Mystery of the Abbey, and some others. Those games usually feature big beautiful boards and really nice pieces. However, some companies are changing that. Through their efforts, it’s now possible to get some real quality games, such as Cave Troll, Citadels, and Carcassonne: The Castle for $15-$20. That’s less than two people would pay to see a movie, and you’ll get a lot more enjoyment out of them.

So here’s the issue: if I go into my friendly neighborhood game store looking to buy a game, I can get Crime Lords for $35, or I can get two other games. I can get Wreckage and something else. I can get two games that aren’t just a deck of cards, some thin cardboard counters, and dice, which cost a lot less.

In fact, thinking about it, the last SJG game I bought (other than GURPS stuff) was Frag. Frag consisted of a large folded paper map, counters, and cards. Forty bucks. For forty bucks, it didn’t even come with the dice you need to play it, claiming you could just scrounge up some you had laying around. Sure, I could, and I did, but jeez, forty Georges and you can’t even give me some lousy d6es? Cheapass Games does the same thing: requiring you to provide your own dice and counters but the difference is, they’re Cheapass Games. That is, they don’t cost more than a DVD. As fun as Frag is, I just can’t help but think I wasted money on it.

There’s absolutely no way I can justify a $35 card game to myself. For only five dollars more, I could get one of those big gorgeous board games I mentioned earlier. For $15 less I could get a nice Fantasy Flight game. I don’t know what Steve Jackson is thinking, charging that much.

Similarly, SJG is making the brilliant move of releasing all future GURPS role-playing game books in hardback with full-color interiors. In a gaming market where all kinds of inexpensive RPG books are coming out, Steve Jackson has decided that no one is addressing gamers’ desires to pay far more for books.

I’ve always considered SJG and GURPS to be the Apple Computers of RPGs. The analogy is apt, to a point. Their stuff is incompatible with most other stuff, more expensive than other stuff, but it’s all pretty nice looking, and there’s no such thing as someone who only “kinda likes” GURPS. They have the kinds of fans that boy bands wish they had. I guess Steve is trying to cultivate this image.

All I know is, I don’t see a lot of GURPS books or SJG Games in my future. For my buck, I want bang, not bong.

No, no, call the kids back in the room, it’s okay. Googlewhacking is a game in which you try to find two or three words which, when you put them into Google, yield only a single hit. I just got email from a fellow in the UK named Angus who informed me that one of my pages is the result of such a search!

Becky pointed out that if I mentioned the words, they’d show up on a second page and thus invalidate the claim, so I won’t say them, but instead give you this image:

Try it and see! Thanks Angus!

(Note: The phrase “jumping fishhooks pieface” still doesn’t show up at all on Google, even though it clearly should go to that linked page. My efforts in that arena are not paying off, and I would appreciate any help you can supply.)

Well, People Magazine’s annual list of the 50 Most Beautiful People in the World is out and I’m number 37 on it.

Ha! I kid! I couldn’t possibly be on that list, because all the most beautiful people in the world just happen to also be famous, and most of them have a hit TV show, movie, or album out this year! However, I am white, so I do have a pretty good edge over most of the world-wide competition.

I haven’t written much on politics in a while because, quite frankly, it was all making me sick. No one will be shocked to learn how much I despise Bush and his team, but no matter how low they go, it always seems there’s yet another step down for them to take.

Witness their latest stunt: challenging John Kerry’s Purple Heart medals. They’re actually suggesting that maybe he didn’t really deserve them. For anyone to do this is preposterous; for Bush it borders on satire.

Here we have a guy who can only prove that he had a dental checkup during Vietnam questioning just how badly injured another guy was while actually fighting. It boggles the mind how people can support this. Since Bush supporters often find themselves in alternate realities, one more shouldn’t trouble them, so please indulge me in a little exercise.

Let’s pretend for a moment that a thirty-year old paperwork error is uncovered and one of Kerry’s medals wasn’t actually earned. So now he only has two Purple Hearts. This still shows more duty to his country than Captain Cavity. Suppose another Purple Heart was an error. Well that would suck, but since Kerry’s got three of them, that still leaves one. Now we’re going to actually take away that last one. Gasp! John Kerry received no Purple Hearts in Vietnam! What would we do?

What we’d do is point out that, if nothing else, Kerry went to Vietnam and served there. Even if he hadn’t gotten wounded, hadn’t done anything more than just go there, serve his term, and come back, that’s still more than Sergeant Spitsink did. Kerry actually went. He didn’t run to his Daddy to avoid it, and didn’t then avoid the cushy position he landed in lieu of it.

Why are thirty-year old military records important? Well, for some people, they show how much a man is willing to do for his country. In Kerry’s case, he was willing to go fight in a war he didn’t believe in. In Bush’s case, he was willing to avoid a war he did believe in. Bush has no problem sending other people to war, but don’t ask him to go himself.

But more than that, it’s about how this President, who once said something about bringing integrity back to the White House, has missed no opportunity to party with some truly reprehensible individuals, persons like Ashcroft, Rumsfeld, Cheney, and Karl Rove, people so twisted they have to screw their pants on in the morning. People who suggest that a guy who shirked even his lightweight duty during Vietnam should question a guy who literally caught shrapnel for his country.

And if that weren’t enough, this same person who talks about duty and morals and supporting the troops, not only sent a bunch of unprepared Other Peoples’ Kids to fight in a war based on the lie that they were saving the world from terrible weapons, not only sent them there without the proper equipment, but now, now he’s going to help out the troops again!

These young men and women — the ones who aren’t getting killed, that is — have a tough job. They’re on a sinking ship, trying desperately to bail it out with colanders. This situation is not their fault, they were put there by a guy who ignored reports of holes in the boats, who lied about the distance the boat would need to travel, and who gave the contract for the buckets to his rich buddies, who discovered they could save money by supplying colanders instead. So obviously they can’t come home right away, even though many of them have families that are depending on them for support.

Never fear! He’s letting them cover the financial hardship of having to stay in Iraq by allowing them to dip into their retirement savings without penalty! How magnanimous! How compassionate! How patriotic!

I’ve already discussed the ridiculousness of Bush running as a hard-liner against terrorism when, at every opportunity, he has chosen not to fight against terrorism, but to fight against something else and call it terrorism (such as Abortion Rights). Consider this chapter two, then, how this President is all about supporting the troops, even though there’s no evidence of him doing so.

There’s a fundamental element tying all of this together, one that should be obvious to anyone who is paying attention. Once you see it, everything makes sense, and it all clicks into place. It’s not a grand conspiracy theory — this administration frustrates conspiracy theorists by cheerfully doing all its machinations right out in the open — just plain old common sense. But that’s another entry.

(Note: I apologize to my readers who aren’t interested in the comics stuff. I promise I’ll have some other content up soon.)

Consarn it! Two — count ‘em — two major comics events in my area this weekend, and I goofily miss both of them. First, there was a presentation on anime and manga at the library that I wanted to check out, not only for the content, but to finally meet Shawn Fumo. Then there was the 24 Hour Comics Day event at Modern Myths that I wanted to drop in on. Between not feeling well and things that needed doing around the house, I saw neither of them. Bah!

Nevertheless, life goes on, and speaking of life going on, I have breathed new life into the presumed-dead “LegOpinions” section, with an entry on Marvel’s 1602 miniseries! Check it out!

And with an eye on the future I invite you to join me on a journey through the magical and mirthful world of Previews! Items in bold are things I’m getting.

Dark Horse

The B.P.R.D. TPB is a must-have, even though I suspect “Plague of Frogs” isn’t in it. Everyone’s talking about Conan, but I just can’t see it. I suppose I should try it out, but Conan has just never interested me.

And then we come to an item that makes me weep. BMW Films’ The Hire. You mean for only $2.99 I can buy an ad for a car I can’t afford? Huzzah! And Matt Wagner is writing this? I think I’ll wait for Evan Dorkin’s tribute to the Volkswagen Jetta first. This is really a head-scratcher of an item.

The Amazing Adventures of the Escapist I’ll get. I ordered the first two, then changed to the collected edition of them when it was solicited. Now I’ll order #3, and I haven’t seen any of it yet. But I trust the project, and it looks like an interesting read.

Re: Katsuya Terada Cover Girls portfolio. Okay, starting here, I’m gonna keep score. Post-it notes, black disks, fingers, a stuffed bunny’s tongue, some kind of metal thing, hair, and a cat’s tail. That’s seven different items used to cover nipples. On one page.

DC

John Byrne’s Doom Patrol. For all of you who were dismayed that Grant Morrison’s classic run on this title wasn’t instead more of the same old crap, John Byrne proudly presents: more of the same old crap! You’ll swear you’re back in 1982 looking at the same three or four faces and the same cliched characters and plots that Byrne seems limited to. Three cheers for the world’s strangest heroes, happily pulled back into the status quo!

The Catwoman stuff looks awful. Oscar-winning actress there, folks!

The Julius Schwartz tribute project just confuses me. New artists re-doing covers from Schwartz’s era, with other writers writing stories based on them? Honestly, I’d much rather a trade paperback with all the original stories in them. I’m not sure how having other people re-do his work is a tribute to him. Still, the Mystery in Space one I might pick up, as it’s Grant Morrison doing Adam Strange…

For those thinking of picking up Sebastian O, someone should warn you: it’s interesting, yes, but you’ll end up wondering where the rest of it is. It reads like issues 3-5 of a six-part miniseries.

Ex-Machina #2 I’ll get. I ordered #1, and people who’ve seen previews of it say it’s really good.

Tom Strong’s Terrific Tales I’ll also get. I’ve bought all of the ABC books, and enjoyed them all. I’ll miss this imprint when it’s gone.

Image

Flight vol I looks really nice. I like anthology books and this one looks like a beauty.

Walking Dead is a regular pull for me. Between this and Invincible Robert Kirkman is becoming a writer to keep an eye out for, but that still ain’t gonna get me to buy SuperPatriot.

I would rather be kicked in the head than buy The Pro.

Witchblade brings my running count to eight with claws! The big guys have let me down in the nipple-covering countdown, but the indie comics are coming up, and they’re sure to please!

Marvel

No Marvel stuff for me, thanks, but here’s something I noticed about 1602. A major project for Marvel, with a lot of attention focused on it, and I don’t remember seeing a single ad for any of their other comics in it. Just a bunch of Hulk and Spiderman walkie-talkies, cell phones, statues, and stuff like that. Here I am, guy who doesn’t read Marvel, buying a high-profile title of theirs, and I walk away from it with the impression that they really don’t care if I read any of their other comics, so long as I buy the other licensed crap. (Okay, I just flipped through and there are some ads for actual comics, but not many, and none of them are anywhere near as interesting as the ads for cell-phone screens.)

Indie Comics

Another 24 Hour Comics Day Anthology? Oh yeah, I’m there. I just got the first one and I’m looking forward to sitting down with it. I find the whole idea behind 24CD really neat.

I’ll be getting Girl Genius #12, but the last one I got was #10. Did I miss #11, or is it scheduled to come out between now and #12?

I haven’t added it to my pull yet, but I may get Demo #8. After liking the issue I picked up week before last, I picked up another one this week. (I wasn’t going to, for various reasons, but decided it would be stupid to let one person prevent me from reading a good book.) So this might be a regular title for me soon.

Bombaby has been a lot of fun, and I’m hoping there will be another run of it eventually. It’s quite an original title.

I Hunt Monsters is Rod Espinosa? I may have to check that out!

The Red Star is frustratingly good. It’s a really interesting concept, well done, and beautiful to look at. Thing is, it only comes out once every other solstice or so. They went through a rough patch where the producers apparently felt like the whole “Red Star” phenomenon was worth following in and of itself, but since then have apparently become convinced that it might be important to actually produce the damn comic every now and then. This is not a bad price for a good read, and if I hadn’t already bought the single issues in one glob from a dealer at Comicon, I’d be grabbing this.

Just when I was giving up hope in more good nipple coverage, along comes Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose Spiky pentagrams protect her sensitive bits from chafing!

Cartoon Books makes me question my sanity by resoliciting Bone vol 9. I’ll be putting in an order for this. Again.

I need to look into Colonia. It looks really interesting, but I don’t want to start with #9. It looks like the series started under the auspices of AIT/Planet Lar, which offers a TPB of the first five issues. I think I’ll order that, and hopefully be able to pick up more if I end up liking it. If I don’t, however, I’ll be sure to keep my mouth shut.

I’m trying to think of how much money I’d need to have before I’d be willing to drop $350 on a bust of a superhero, and who that hero would be.

The Walking Man looks kind of neat. It looks like it’s simply about a guy going for a walk. The price is up there for a pre-order, so I’ll hopefully be able to flip through it in the shop. Intriguing.

The Knights of the Dinner Table Origins 2004 Special is a getter.

Does anyone know anything about this Cities of the Fantastic two-volume series from NBM? It looks really interesting, but I know nothing about it beyond the blurb.

Oni Press’ Love Fights is coming to a conclusion. I kind of wish I’d been getting it in trade, but I’ve been enjoying it. Andi Watson has a real talent for making a very minimalist style go a long way.

Speaking of Oni, Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life looks like an absolute hoot. The full-page ad got my attention, but the line in the blub that sealed the deal was, “Will he have to face Ramona’s seven evil ex-boyfriends in battle?”

The price puts it out of my range, but the Wallace Wood Reader is something I’d really like to look at. I have always enjoyed Wood’s artwork from my Dad’s early issues of Mad magazine, and it’s nice when he pops up in old EC titles. I have a really sad Wally Wood story that I won’t go into here, though.

The word “sad” reminds me. The cover to “Hit the Beach 2004″ is possibly the most chill-inducing item in this whole catalog.

I’m really hoping a two-volume softcover set of Persepolis is scheduled. I checked the first one out of the library and the second one is now out. I’d like to get them both, but preferably in softcover.

Apparel

So have we just agreed that anything Kevin Smith decides to doodle on a napkin is good enough for Graphitti to make a t-shirt of?

Toys and Models

If I was still buying robot toys, that FLCL Robot Kanchi figure would be on my list. But I’m not, so it isn’t.

Games

I am taunted by the Gimmick’s Guide to Gadgets book for Mutants and Masterminds. I’d love to get the book, but I’d love even more to play the game.

Ooh! Modern-Day Cardboard Heroes from Steve Jackson Games! I like the fantasy ones, and I might have to grab this as well!

Wizkids’ Pirates of the Spanish Main game looks neat. You buy little cards that you assemble into pirate ships. TJ and I both have our eyes on this, and I imagine there’s some keelhaulin’ and plunderin’ in our gaming future.

As usual, nothing in the Video section I feel I must own, so we’re done here. I’m gonna try to stay off comics topics for the rest of the week.

A little after midnight, a new addition to the Schwind family arrived! Presenting Simone Arianna Schwind!

Mommy and baby are doing fine:

And here’s Daddy. I think Sophia hasn’t met her new sister yet:

Congratulations, folks! The name “Simone,” incidentally, barely edged out “Grep” and “Pseighmohne” for names.

Much to my chagrin, a seemingly innocent posting of mine has exploded into a firestorm of controversy. Although my offering was intended as a friendly, convivial gesture towards another, it appears that other parties have been slighted in the process and have responded in a decidedly unfriendly way.

The incident truly began on Laura Gjovaag’s site, Bloggity-Blog-Blog-Blog, where, as part of a “Random Thoughts” post, she comments, “Nice cover, Legomancer, but shouldn’t it be spelled ‘Space Cabbie’?” Before I could reply, Mike Sterling picked up the baton: “If you’re going to pay homage to an obscure Silver Age character, Legomoron, I suggest you spell his name right.”

Fortunately, John Jakala came to my defense, stating that he believed he saw the character’s name spelled “Cabby” somewhere. I tried to point out in the comments on Laura’s blog that I was pulling the spelling from the cover of “DC Super-Stars of Space #6,” where it clearly reads, “Space Cabby.”

Too little, too late. Thought Balloons whips out “Who’s Who in the DC Universe #21″ and its listing for “Space Cabbie.” “Game, set, and match, Mr. Wannabe Blogger!” He says. Steven Wintle at Flat Earth, who was so good to me during the great “Batman Digs This Day” Mystery, completes my schooling with page one, panel one of Starman #55, the most recent appearance of this character, where he refers to himself as “Space Cabbie.” “Perhaps it’s time,” opines Tim O’Neil at The Hurting, “for this amateur to return to blogging about board games or role-playing games, or anything but comics, which he is clearly unqualified to discuss.”

“But…but…Mystery in Space!” I’m stammering. “His first appearance! Okay, I don’t have issue 21, but look at issue 24, on three issues later! Clearly it says…”

“Yes?” asks The Forager. “What does it say?”

“‘Space Cabbie’,” I mutter. “But wait! By issue 28, He’s a Space Cabby! Look!”

“By the hoary hosts of Hoggoth,” exclaims Neilalien, “He’s right! And by issue 39, he’s a veteran Space Cabby!”

Meanwhile, Shawn Fumo has no idea what the big deal is about inconsistent spelling, since manga’s been doing that for years, and David Fiore is on part eight of a thirteen part series of essays on the naming of characters and how it affects the various realities attributed to them. “The entity being discussed is what he is,” states Fiore, “and is not constrained by terms such as ‘Cabby’ or ‘Cabbie’.”

“We could argue forever,” says Dave Intermittent, “about whether it’s ‘Cabby’ or ‘Cabbie’, but it won’t change the fact that you’re 100% wrong.”

(Over on Cabbey Rampage [sic], a theory is presented: Perhaps these stories detailed the adventures of two distinct individuals with similar names and professions? Perhaps one on Earth-Y and one on Earth-IE? The Starman reference would imply that only Earth-IE survived the Crisis…)

All I can say is, the first place I ever saw the guy was the aforementioned DC Super-Stars of Space #6, and on the cover there he is clearly labeled “Space Cabby,” so that’s what I went with. Maybe that’s not the right spelling. Maybe Warren Ellis would disagree. I only know what’s in my heart, and my heart belongs to Space Cabby.

(Bags and Boards: Edward Norton to play cosmic taxi driver in David Fincher’s upcoming Heavenly Hack?)

Note: If you don’t get all this, then you may not be the target audience, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m sorry this entry didn’t appeal to you, and I hope you find something of interest in my other entries.