Tempered Thoughts

• The bleeding hearts shady shade plants that were crushed by huge pallet full of deck redoing fake wood last summer and I thought were dead dead dead but which came back this year. Even the one that was puny. Though it's still puny.
• Coming across books I've already read in the 50 books poc journal (such as Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi) and realizing that while my reading pattern is pretty white, it's not completely white, and that's before I start intentionally seeking more diverse reading!
• Sunshine.
• My leather jacket (sorry, vegans).
• The way my daughter plays "Ode to Joy" on the piano.
• Empanadas.
• One Password.
• Yes, you're alive songs: "Leeds United" by Amanda Palmer, "Karma Slave" by Splashdown, "Walk the Walk" by Poe, "Up to the Roof" by Blue Man Group, "Flowers" by They Might Be Giants.
• Newfound stability in poses like Utthita Trikonasana.
• Coloring and drawing with Sophia.
• Local Taizé services.

What gives you joy?

I believe I am more susceptible to meme transmission from Transylvanian Dutch than from anyone else. Don't get me wrong, he passes along plenty that I don't bother with, but so do most people. But sometimes I get snagged and sucked in, and for whatever reason, it's usually from one of his.

Here's the meme (as copied from his blog):

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me. It will be about or tailored to those five lucky “victims.”

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
• I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
• what I create will be just for you.
• it’ll be done this year
• you have no clue what it’s going to be. It may be a poem or story. I may make something all craft-y like. It could even be a CD. (altering the original to add: or a bathbomb!)
• I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to put this on your site as well, if you expect me to do something for you!

Remember, chime in, and be forced to participate in your own playground!

I've always liked the Babylon 5 intro, where Sheridan (I think it's Sheridan, anyway) says "It was the year of fire... the year of destruction... the year we took back what was ours. It was the year of rebirth... the year of great sadness... the year of pain... and the year of joy. It was a new age. It was the end of history. It was the year everything changed. The year is 2261. The place: Babylon 5." Pretty epic, no?

Well I'm not really living an epic here, but I'm looking for a brief way to sum up 2008, so I'm going to steal that format, as a reference for what happened, which I'll be dropping here for the future.

It was the year:

• of Guitar Hero and of the Wii Fit
• of DIY detergent and the new HE washer
• of many pictures (over 2800! here's the first of the year: and here's the last: )
• of finding a decent King Cake in St. Louis, and of the brawl with Oz
• of the cubbies, built by Kurt for Sophia's room
• of the eclipse, observed from our front door
• of music for Sophia (she performed a flute duet in church and started piano lessons in late August).
• of Disneyworld, of Sophia's first time at the beach
• of the new Ford Focus, to replace the sadly defunct Cougar
• of the nonos coming to stay for a while
• of pneumonia
• of Sophia playing a flower in a play based on Alice in Wonderland (though she wanted to be Alice, because, as she said, she had the right hair)
• of pierced ears, and the bike that she still cannot ride, and the Snip-Its glamour party
• of fairy ears, and princess camp
• of learning to eat honeysuckle from the bushes in the backyard
• of Chocolatier:Secret Ingredients, Spore and Battle of Wesnoth
• of driving to Texas for Fourth of July
• of Blue Mountain Camp in the Fall and being Nastia Lukin for Halloween (even though the only Olympic events watched in this household were soccer matches)
• of electrotango and Amanda Palmer
• of joining book club, and of making the 52 book challenge (finally!)
• of the new deck and porch
• of finally giving in and getting on FaceBook
• of bad teeth
• of publication, at long last (x2)
• of two sales, doubling the number from 2007
• of learning to make bath bombs
• of playing assistant in the Montessori classroom
• of gorgeous hair ornaments
• of Christmas for the birds
• of MySims and Lego Star Wars
• of rollerskating for the first time, and getting roller skates for Christmas
• of a New Year's Eve murder party
• of learning to make soup, and wishing I'd known how years ago

All in all, a pretty good year.

I'm published! Again! I know, crazy, who'd think it could happen twice? I'm also a little behind on giving notice here. I updated my facebook when my piece came out on December 4 and it seemed like enough preening at the time. With Christmas season stuff revving up, I've not had time to also update here until now. This week in particular has been insanely busy, with extracurricular stuff every single night so far, and more to come.

At any rate, I'm published in a fabulous market: Escape Pod. A dream market, actually, so I can tick off one on my checklist of places where I wish to see my work appear. You may listen to my flash piece, The Way Before absolutely free of charge, distributed on a creative commons license (because we at "Tempered Thoughts" heart creative commons!). If you're not familiar with Escape Pod and are interested in Science Fiction audio, allow me to recommend some episodes that are among my favorites:

• Episode 99: Start the Clock by Benjamin Rosenbaum.
• Episode 131: Hesperia and Glory by Ann Leckie.
• Episode 157: A Small Room in Koboldtown by Michael Swanwick.
• Episode 175: Reparations by Merrie Haskell.
• Escape Pod Flash Fiction Contest, 2nd Place winner: Skyscrapers by Rachel Swirsky.

One thing that posting this so late allows me to do is to note how super pleased I am by one of the comments that a poster wrote on the entry for my piece. John posted he had a sudden realization at the end, and his realization is completely right and I now believe what I've heard other writers say, which is that whether someone likes what you write or not, when they GET it you feel so gratified. Dude, you got it, and I feel great about that! Mild spoilers in his comment, if a 300 word flash piece can be spoiled, so listen before you read if you intend to listen.

A word of advice to those of you who are personal friends and family of mine. It is ok (no, better than ok, ideal really) to simply say "Congratulations." You do not have to pretend to like what I write. You do not have to criticize what I've published, and be fair or objective about it. The time for fixing the piece's flaws is long past, so you might forbear pointing them out, since plenty of people are available for that, and they aren't people I need support from, as you are. You can elect to simply rejoice in victory with me. I encourage that! For the record, if you say you read it, but don't say you like it, then it's quite obvious to me how you felt about it. So instead of carefully avoiding praising my work, if you disapprove of it, simply say "Congratulations on getting published", ok? I promise not to put you in the uncomfortable position of pressing you on your opinion, or even asking if you heard the story. Thanks!

Last but not least, in honored Scalzi tradition, you may use the comment thread of this entry to point out the cool stuff you or your friends are doing all across the web. Links encouraged! Let me start you off by pointing you to my niece performing "Silent Night". She can seriously sing. Listen to my story, and her passionate singing, and post cool links, as the spirit moves you.

I'm sorry I haven't written here. There was dentist and elections and various and sundry schedule cluttered things, but mostly I've been mad busy the last week being a sub assistant in one of the Montessori primary classrooms at my daughter's school. It has been way cool. Kids are amazing. Montessori is amazing. Going into a classroom and leaving everything at the door for four hours to spend time with children who live completely in the now is TOTALLY amazing (and exhausting). I'm all like 'woo moveable alphabet, woo north america map, woo number rods, woo button frame'. Also, there's now a button on my arm. Push it and I say,"Choose a work." The button on the other arm, when pushed, makes me say,"Walking feet, please."

It's absorbing and interesting, but it doesn't leave much energy for writing. If I decide to go do the training (and I'm still thinking elementary, actually...sweet as the primary kids are, cool as their lessons are, I still had to change two diapers this week and I strongly prefer my students potty-trained --not that I minded it in the short term, with a finite deadline), I don't think I'll also be writing. I'm ok with that, essentially. I like kids and I like Montessori better than I like writing. Huh. That seems all turned around crazy because I was pretty sure writing was the thing I liked best in the world. And I was pretty sure I tolerated kids but didn't really love them, or have any interest in being with them every day. And maybe I still love writing in its own way, but this writing career thing is really unsatisfying and burdensome and not what I'm after, I don't believe. Like even if I ever 'made' it (of itself a statistical unlikelihood) to be a recognizable name that regularly sold stories and maybe even a novel...that doesn't seem like a gratifying achievement...it's not something I'm longing for. Whereas there's at least one rewarding moment to be had EVERY single day in a classroom. There's disappointments, but there's no shortage of joy and positive reinforcement either. Writing (the business side anyways, with the submitting and the rejection and the submitting again) is 98% disappointment and 2% joy. It doesn't seem crazy to want the thing that gives daily joy, does it? I mean I totally feel like a quitter, even just thinking about giving up on the writing thing, but really, what was the point of the experiment if I can't except a failed outcome? I'll have to think about all this some more. Huh. I usually think things out first and THEN post them, instead of thinking out loud on the page. This was supposed to be quickie update post, not a muse about life and writing post. It has been a long week if I'll just spill my guts unpremeditated like that.

Right well, what I really wanted to post about is how Montessori is so coooooool, and I'm more convinced than ever that it was (and is) totally the right thing for my kid, and I want to learn all about it and maybe even teach it to other kids someday. That is all, good night.

My husband was gone to training last week. When he got back, he asked me how much TV the Princess Monkey Toes had watched in his absence.

"None," I said. Then squinted at the TV, "Wait, maybe we watched some on Sunday night." He'd left Sunday morning. I was just hedging, though. I don't believe we actually watched any then, either.

"When you die, the first thing I'm selling is that damn TV," I told him.

The funny thing is, I hadn't even noticed we didn't watch TV all week. TV enters my conscious mind only under pressure from other people, who turn it on or talk about it or tell me I'd love to see this or that. Left on my own, it's not even part of my mental landscape. It's not that I'm better than anyone for not watching TV. God knows I have a thousand other ways of wasting my time and I'm not nearly as productive as an absence of TV in my life should make me. It's just peculiar how deep my non-interest goes. My husband watches TV without me, as does my kid. I never watch TV without one of them (except earlier in the year when I had pneumonia and was too sick to read).

Good morning, world! And why, you might ask, is it such a good morning? What could possibly be the cause of back-to-back blog postings when I rarely manage more than once a week? Well, today I have been published. No, seriously. There it is, my flash fiction piece "Another Boot", published at Every Day Fiction. Go! Read! Enjoy! Subscribe to their RSS feed and get flash fiction daily!

First time only happens once, right? Here it is. First. Time. Woo! This is particularly significant for me because it is my third sale, so I had begun to think all I could hope for was to sell stories so that they could languish on editorial desks, unpublished and forgotten. I know the publication process is slow, but one of my contracts has actually expired in the eighteen months since I signed it and was paid, so really, that's a lost ship at this point and not just writerly melodrama on my part. Not that it's bad to get paid, mind you, but it also feels unreal. I get money in hand (which again, is great and validating on some level because editors are the first hurdle), but there's nothing I can point to: see there's what I got paid for, there's the work.

Until now.

And in true John Scalzi fashion, since I have ruthlessly pimped my one and only published offering, I am now declaring the comment thread to this post to be an open pimp thread. Read something cool? Made a cool video? Built the tallest Lego tower in the world, or know someone who did? Link away! Point us all to the creative goodness that exists out there in the wide web, most especially if it's your own creative goodness. Comments no longer have the link filter, by the way, so if you know three cool things instead of one that you think everyone else should see, feel free. Share the joy.

And when I get my share of rejections in the next seven or so days, remind me of this moment of tiny glory, will you? Thanks.

Point of order, game score is as follows:

• 2 points sunjunkie
• 2 points jerm (even though he got the band name wrong, he got the lyrics right and that counts)
• 2 points lanfaedhe (even though he cheated. He 'fessed, and I thought about just giving him one point, but well, I can be flexible, right?)

It's a tie so far. But it doesn't have to be. There's a couple of entries with unclaimed points out there. Perhaps even this one. I still mean to put a tally in the margin, so I won't have to keep giving periodic updates.

I've had a few funny dreams lately, including one where I very gently told someone that it was ok to have trouble with endings, because endings are hard. Projecting, much? In another I was serving empanadas I had made to a large crowd of people, but they kept busting open and letting loose this disgusting looking sauce all over when I grabbed them with a pair of tongs.

I was delighted to discover today that my garlic chives have self-seeded, and that the random grassy things growing alongside my house are volunteer chives. Rock on! Also the scented geranium did really well in the back of the yard (what I think of as the bee/butterfly garden), much better than its brethren in my little herb plot. The gardenia bush died though, which is sad, because I love gardenias.

I finished a draft of my YA novel Cualcotel. Finally. It desperately needs another pass, but it is a fully formed thing right now, which is awesome. I rewarded myself with Spore, Amanda Palmer's new CD, and The Field Guide to Surreal Botany. Yeah, that's pretty excessive on the rewards scale. Still, I abandoned the other novel I started, so finishing this one, even if it's short, is a big deal.

I can already feel the shortening of the days. The other day I wore jeans and socks for the first time in four months or so. The jeans were welcome, I love wearing jeans. My preferred self is barefoot, though, and the socks were less welcome. My daughter asked me, when the cool front came through and we threw open our windows, when it would snow. I told her it was a couple of months yet and she pouted. How unlike me she is! She longs for the snow and the cold and the dark.

It's not usually a linkfest here, but two videos I have been enjoying a great deal are Amanda Palmer's "Runs in the Family" which was an unexpected birthday present a couple of months ago, and International Victim's "Apollo 14" which I discovered through FaceBook. Yes, I am now one of the FaceBook masses. It's been...interesting. Don't worry handful of blog readers, I shall not abandon you (or at least, no more than you are already semi-abandoned by me). There's more room to say things here without feeling quite as self-absorbed and showy as FB feels. Though I have heard people say there's no reason other than self-absorption for blogging. So, ehhhh, who's to say? Not me, that's for sure.

Oh right, and I know I'm probably the last person on the planet who watched the SNL Palin/Hillary opening, but I laughed so hard I got a stitch in my side watching it. "I can see Russia from my house!" and "I CANNOT!" The political season, too, has its own rewards, and it's not all teethgrinding agony.

• I've been neglectful in noting my dreams lately (and I'm going through a patch where I don't remember them as well) but earlier this week I dreamed that Kurt told me Evo Morales had died and I said 'but I just saw him on the television arguing with the opposition'. Then I realized that having seen him on television did not mean he wasn't dead (kind of like that Pixies song "a letter in your writing doesn't mean you're not dead") and I felt sad, because I like Morales, even though he does some shady stuff, because he's indigenous and it's about time.
• On Thursday I opened up one of those big boxes of matches and realized it was almost empty, maybe 20 or so matches left in the bottom. I couldn't quite get at them because there was this slip of cardboard in the way, so I pulled the slip of cardboard out. It was a coupon. That expired on Dec 31, 1999. Even if I bought the box of matches on the day the coupon expired (unlikely), I've still had this box of matches for eight and a half years. That's at least four moves. Who expects a box of matches to endure near a decade?
• We've been slumming lately. A couple of weeks ago we made our first visit to Aldi, a rock bottom pricing grocery store. We'd never been before, and had no idea you couldn't pay by credit card. They take cash and debit cards only (and apparently the debit card thing is pretty recent). So we stood in line debating whether we knew the pin for our credit/debit card ("Try your ATM pin", I said, with a shrug) and the people in line behind us all looked at us like we were McCain -- ignorant of how many houses we owned. It's also apparently pretty common to get "cash back" on your transaction, using Aldi like a glorified ATM, and we both blinked, nonplussed, when the cashier asked us whether we wanted cash back. By the time we'd recovered enough to say, "NO." the guy behind us had already said, "I'll take their cash back!" The woman with him looked like she was strung out on meth. They were buying one tube of pork sausage. Also, our washing machine broke, so we went to the laundromat. Man, laundromat tech has really come a long way in the fifteen years since I last had to use coins to wash. It's largely HE washers, and it was pretty cool, since we're in the market for a frontloader. Still, it's clear there's a socio-economic gulf between me and the average laundromat client. Not a scary gulf, I didn't think I was going to get shot or anything, but yeah, I'm very much not a college kid or a retired woman on a fixed income or a blue collar guy. It's easy to forget how many things in life well-to-do smoothes over for you, even if you only have the one house.
• I've got some things to say about writing, but that's (mostly) another post. All I want to say here is: I love finishing a story draft. It gives me a buzz. I'm a little surprised about the intoxicating neurology involved, I always thought (judging from how little I finish) that completion thrill was something that happened to other people. Must figure out a way to exploit this to finish more things.
• This week's story recommendation is neither its own post, nor something to read. It's something to listen to: Podcastle 14 - The Grand Cheat. Wonderful story in all kinds of ways. Beautifully read. Enjoy! Hillary Moon Murphy's other Podcastle offering (Podcastle 3 - Run of The Fiery Horse) is good too, but if you're only going to listen to one "The Grand Cheat" is the way to go. As Adrian Monk says, "You'll thank me later."

So, new game. In the past I have often used lyrics for post titles, because I love music, and I love how just a few sung words can so fully express thoughts and feelings. I have been inconsistent about whether I put quotes around the lyrics or not, and lately I've usually dispensed with the quotes, so it wasn't always apparent I was using lyrics.

A few posts back I used a Sisters Of Mercy lyric:"Down the river there's a ship will carry the dream" from the song Flood and the album Floodland. Which is a wonderful album, that I love deeply and rarely listen to anymore.

So, when I posted the SoM lyrics, Sunjunkie commented with the next line, which I thought was so cool that I'm turning it into a going forward game. Starting now, I'm awarding two points to anyone who comments with the next line of a song I use as a post title, or with the artist and song. Now I know you can all use google, and it would be very sad and unsporting if you used google to get your two points, but if you must, so be it. Also, I do not consider it cheating to look at my Last.Fm page, and that will often give you a good clue. My tastes are pretty wideranging, and I'll try not to stick to a certain musical ghetto, so everyone will get chances to guess. BTW, sunjunkie gets two points starting out, so the rest of you are behind! Chop chop!

At some point I'll add a tally to the sidebar to keep track of this.

At the end of the year, whomever has the most points will get...something. Not sure what. But it will be wonderful and extraordinary. Really!

In other musical news, today I went down to the basement in search of a CD to rip but failed to find it and ended up ripping: Throwing Muses, Poe, Pixies, Skinny Puppy, Red Delicious, A3, Curve, Supreme Beings of Leisure, Revolting Cocks, The The and Bel Canto. Hmmm, you think it's summer? All of these contain much loved blaring from the car summer music, some of it going back more than 15 years. I guess I'm compressing all my previous summers down into this summer, by use of music. Hope it will be a good one.

There's some wonderful things going on my yard this year, mostly courtesy of the continuous rain we've had for the past couple of months.

• Mushrooms everywhere! Not just the stinkhorns, but all kinds (not that I know what kinds those are, but I love mushrooms! I feel a thousand secret doorways into the fairy realm are lurking in my yard).
• The oregano is twice as big as it was last year, marking my first perennial herb planted in the yard to survive. I know how much bigger it is because it had engulfed its label so I know where it ended last year.
• The lemon balm, which did not successfully return in its pot this year, at first grieved me, but then I saw a small plant growing in the yard, beneath the deck, exactly below the pot. Pinched a leaf, sniffed, and verified lemon balmness. I shall move it back to the pot, and yay!
• New perennial bleeding hearts planted in the shade. They look good, and maybe they'll come back next year!
• Fresh strawberries out of the garden. So far I've had two, and the bird netting seems to be effective in keeping the critters from eating them. Delicious instant sweetness.
• Seeds sown right outside from last year's crops that have germinated and are growing like crazy: beans and cucumbers. The only failure there seems to be the chili peppers, which didn't take (though I tried sowing them indoors, maybe this is the problem). I have harvested melon seeds yet to plant, probably this weekend sometime (though this weekend already has BUSY! all over it).
• What is soon to be a wealth of basil! Yay, pesto!
• Healthy cilantro planted from seed, though still tiny (and since I killed an enormous plant last year before I managed to harvest it, I probably should hedge and not mention it) but for the time being a hopeful yay!.
• The topsy turvy planter, highly recommended by Elaine (and others) is installed and its tomato plant is growing nicely. We'll see how it does. If it does really well I'll get another one or two and try the stuff that hasn't worked for me in the ground: peppers and zuchinni maybe, or maybe just more tomatoes. BTW, the tomato plant in the topsy turvy is also from harvested last year seed, and I didn't segregate my seeds well, so I'm going to be surprised. It might be cherry tomatoes, and it might be romas!
• Lavender in front yard coming into its own this year, and spilling out of the bed, and looking so lovely. I can't take credit for this as a perennial in the garden herb because my mom planted it two years ago, but I still enjoy it.
• New experiments with anise hyssop and purple coneflowers. Maybe the butterflies will come!

Also, as the weather heats up, I get to rotate back in all my favorite summer recipes. This week we've had delicious black beans and couscous and will have prosciutto and mozzarella panini (with basil!) as well as super cooling and tasty yoghurt soup later in the week. We've stepped up the grilling too: delicious salmon yesterday (with farmer's market asparagus that was soooooo tasty) and fajitas to look forward to this weekend! Life is good! Food is good!

We got the new Wii game, WiiFit, and we're loving it. So far it's really motivated to do some exercise every day. Granted, it's only been three days, but if this continues long enough to form a habit, I could really get strong and toned over the summer, which would rock! Also rocking, but unrelated, a new yoga studio is opening up within walking distance of my house. I'm going to give it a try!

I'm way behind on sharing pictures and books. Which shall I do first?

So there was the week I was really busy, which was followed by the week with the surprise vacation I couldn't tell you about beforehand, which was followed by a second ridiculously busy week, followed by a bout with almost pneumonia. Apparently, it's not pneumonia without a chest x-ray, but it was close enough to make me feel really awful. Still feeling really awful, actually, and overall pretty weak. I can do one or two things, if I follow them up with long periods of lying down doing next to nothing. Some of the time I can read, but not when I'm dizzy, which is frequent. I cannot recommend almost pneumonia as a weight loss regimen, though I can testify to a personal loss of around six pounds in a week, mostly fever sweat weight, I imagine. I had a number of really bizarre dreams, too, but I failed to remember them even while I was telling myself to remember them.

Still, I am probably going to get better. The doctor gave me antibiotics and stop coughing stuff. Yesterday I ate two meals! Today I'm going to try and make it three.

So anyway, that's what I've been up to. How about you?

You'll probably have to keep yourself entertained for a small while longer, since this inconvenient illness is making me really behind on a number of obligations, so I provide two links, both of the making the world a better place variety: choosing bliss, and compassion meditation.

Pencil case. A cartuchera is a pencil case. My translator just needs eight hours of sleep to work properly.

I got a new camera for Christmas, and it makes it look like I know what I'm doing when I take pictures. It's AMAZING.

Additional good things: calls from various family members (even the ones in South America!), delicious dinner fixed by spouse, many cups of tea, a splendid sunny walk in the afternoon, a refurb ipod nano (refurb because I am holding a hateful grudge against the video nanos and this is the only way to not get video), some very awesome books (happy shape! happy shape!), a handmade sewing kit and placemat (from Sophia), a lovely tea box, as well as oranges and chocolates and nuts as is proper in a stocking. But the mindblowing thing is the camera. Expect new stuff in the photo database very soon (consider this post a sneak preview)!

The spouse got the way cool guitar hero III (and his family searched the world for it, because we love him so) and a bike helmet (we care about your safety!) as well as handmade stuff from Sophia, a vest from his parents and popcorn from the inlaws. Sophia got more things than she could name (she told her cousins,"Can I just tell you about two things?") including the desperately longed for "Crystal Princess Lily Lightly". The successes seem to be the Polly Pocket jet plane, the My Little Pony Teapot Palace and the aforementioned Crystal Princess. Though near as I can tell, nothing is a disappointment. Even the embroidered with her name 'cartuchera' (grrrr, the English word escapes me at the moment) got oohs of appreciation and a generous,"I have been wanting one of these."

We are blessed, that much is clear. Hope you are feeling blessed as well.